The Premier League is set to return on June 17th and there are 92 games remaining in the 2019/20 season. For the first time ever the final 92 games are going to be broadcast on live on TV. This, my friends, is an opportunity for greatness.

How difficult would it be for a man with no kids, very little social life and a wife who really values her alone time to watch 92 games of football in 39 days?

I want to be that fan. I want to be the guy who watches all 92 games just to say that I did it. I want to rub it in your face that I watched ALL 92 games even though you don’t care that much. But there are some big, BIG stumbling blocks with this idea. Some monumental stumbling blocks. Everest sized stumbling blocks.

Ok, lets just put it out there. Liverpool are going to win the Premier League and that’s just something I have to deal with. I’m not happy about it. I legitimately would have preferred that they just fucked off. Just fucked right off. But, look, even a global pandemic and the entire planet being in shut down can’t seem to stop them so I guess I just have to accept it.

Congratulations Liverpool.

That’s the problem. This is the doomsday scenario. ‘They are going to win the League and do it with a record number of points and they’ve been fantastic and blah blah blah.” I wrote about my complicated feelings about Virgil Van Dijk in a previous post.

So this is the doomsday season. Do I really want this season to be the one that I create history with? Do I really want to tell my grandkids about how when Liverpool won their first League title in 30 years I volunteered to watch the last 92 games and created my own, arguably more impressive given some of the teams in the Premier League this season, history?

Also I’d like to point out that when people say “oh my god Liverpool fans are going to be unbearable when they win the league”? They will be, they have every right to be, but I’m going to be so much worse.

“Come back to me when you’ve won the treble”

Me, being smug

I’m not even going to apologise. I’m just going to lean all the way into it.

“Come back to me when you’ve won 20 titles”

Also me, still smug

And I know what you’ll say. “oh I love it! He can’t take it!” and you’re right. I can’t. I’m a terrible loser.

“Ah look, it’s not even a proper season. There were no fans for 92 games. We didn’t have Bruno Fernandes when we played you in Anfield”

Yup, me again

Anyway. Liverpool being insufferable isn’t the only problem with completing the 92 Game challenge. As I’ve previously stated, I’m a terrible loser. If Man Utd are playing at 2pm in the middle of a 5 game Saturday and they lose? I will not want to watch Norwich and fucking Newcastle at 4pm. That’s a problem and I don’t know if you’re smartened up to modern football but the last thing that Man Utd can be accused of being is consistent!

Watching Liverpool win the league and Man Utd fumble around trying to find 4th place probably aren’t the most likely cause of downfall in this glorious quest for greatness. If the Premier League schedule is to be the rumoured 12.30pm, 3pm, 5pm and 8pm kick offs on Saturday and Sunday then, inevitably the real world will get in the way. Is it ok to tell my parents or my in-laws that I can’t join them for dinner unless I have a clear view of Wolves v Leicester? Is it ok to tell friends that I can’t join them for post lock-down drinks because I’m on game 50 and I can’t afford to miss Crystal Palace v Sheffield United?

I will also convince myself that I really want to watch a boring midtable clash between two teams who could not care less what happens since they can’t win anything and there’s no one in the stands to make them feel bad about it. That’s not a problem. My football watching stamina isn’t a problem. I feel like I’ve trained all my life for this.

I still have a couple of weeks to think about this. To make my decision to pursue a place in local folklore…”Local man divorced after insisting he wanted to watch Watford v Aston Villa rather than spend time with wife”. I can see the headlines now.